Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
