Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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