Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
