I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
