Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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