I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
