you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
