I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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