You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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