That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
