Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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