dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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