On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
