I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
