So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
