Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize