talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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