you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
