I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Drake has all the answers
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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