there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she peed on how many people?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
