If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
