You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
