we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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