Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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