I just saw a hot homeless man
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
