dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
