While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
