I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
