Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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