what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
