What did we do last night that was yellow?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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