Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
