I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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