I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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