Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i think im in europe. pls send help
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize