nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Randomize
