Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
PANTIES FOUND
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