its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
