OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
