I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
