Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
