bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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