I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
FUCK WHALES
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
