Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
