Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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