Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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