Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
