i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
