we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize