i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
