im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize