he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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