Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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