that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize