Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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