then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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