well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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