I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
