Do you still have your period?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
