Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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