If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Enjoy the penises
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
