so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
