wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
