even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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