Joe is yelling at the trees again.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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