I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
